she was so not down for the gang bang
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Randomize
