I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
