Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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