My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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