we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
birth control should be required to get into college
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize