I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Randomize
