His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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