Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Randomize