im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
