In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
