My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
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