You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
