very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize