Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Randomize
