I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
