Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I smell like Dick and happiness
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
