can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
