just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
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