Come see our sink grown plant.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
