the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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