i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Randomize
