yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I think I sprained my soul last night
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
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