I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
My ATM looks so different sober.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Vodka?
Forever.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
