she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
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