that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
My balls are so social today.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize
