Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
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