I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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