NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
