I'm pants shitting drunk right now
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
