The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
