The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
my liver is dry heaving
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
