Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Randomize