her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
