I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
