I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
i came on her dog
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
