I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
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