If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
fuck your aforementioned shoe
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
