I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
