i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
