i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
