I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
