I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
