Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
