The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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