I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Randomize