The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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