woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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