My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize