mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
