coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Randomize
