Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
