When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
