Will you blow on my dice?
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
operation have a gay friend backfired
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
