Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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