she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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