You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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