No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
