i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
