But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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