my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
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