I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
