just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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