Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
