A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
