i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize