I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
