Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
