i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
