It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
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