I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
