Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
