So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
