I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I'm always down for nudity.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
