24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
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