I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
We were destined to go to rehab together
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
