I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
