No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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