I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
