You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
