if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
