I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
