Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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