so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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