you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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