u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
