i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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