i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
