remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i think i have herpe
just one?
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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