I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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