She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
