When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
