i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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