took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
