OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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