I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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