it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Randomize
