I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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