Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
