I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
im drinking this country out of the recession.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
