i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
