If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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