Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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