I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
