Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Randomize
