ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
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