i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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