it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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