who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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