i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
