Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
