dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
