I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
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