Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
