the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
