The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
