mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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